Unconditional Acceptance

© Asiila Kamilia — Jogjakarta, Waisak 2019

Life doesn’t provide us with a universal guidebook on how to live your life. There is no “How to Live a Life for Dummy” or “Living 101”. Should you happen to be a follower of a certain religion, you might find an enlightenment in accordance to your faith. You might also find other teachings in another religion aside from what you believe in, like Karma. At first, you might think this is such a bull. Whatever the hell is “ilmu kehidupan?”

It might be the kind of knowledge that lights up your pathway when you are trapped in the dark with no sign of help. The kind of voice that whispers to your ears on your difficult times. The kind of energy that penetrates deep into your body, making you stronger when you feel like giving up.

Kali ini, saya memulai perjalanan untuk mempelajari salah satu ilmu kehidupan yang menurut saya paling penting, yaitu menerima.

Sudah lama saya ingin merasakan bagaimana merayakan Hari Raya Waisak langsung di Candi Borobudur. Selama ini, saya hanya mempelajari beberapa ajarannya yang umum, yang tentu saja masih bisa dipelajari atau sekedar dibaca-baca oleh penganut agama lain. Saya pun sempat sangat tertarik dengan salah satu konsep waktu dalam agama Buddha yaitu Kalachakra, seperti yang ada di tulisan saya di sini.

Saya pun berangkat ke Borobudur. Tapi perjalanan ini bukan sekedar traveling, lebih dari sekedar ingin ikut festival ribuan lampion. Perjalanan ini adalah salah satu upaya saya untuk menerima dan menulis kembali.

I was endlessly trying to listen to what my heart said. To where my mind wandered. I had a good time in Jogja, back then I was celebrating my birthday in 2017. Instead of feeling gloomy of not being able to recreate such fond memories, ternyata saya justru sangat bersyukur karena pernah memiliki kenangan yang begitu baik, walaupun tidak akan pernah terulang kembali. I thought, hey I should have wished this away. It’s about time I turned the page and made new memories.

© Asiila Kamilia — Jogjakarta, Waisak 2019

Then it got me thinking; maybe life, after all, is about acceptance. Not every single thing in life will go as we plan, as we expect them to be. Maybe the one we love hurts us. Maybe the one we love dies. Maybe we have a serious illness. Begitu banyak hal di hidup ini yang terjadi di luar kuasa dan kendali kita, sehingga hal yang perlu kita lakukan adalah menerima dan ilmu ini lah yang saya rasa akan selalu dipelajari oleh semua orang; belajar menerima kehilangan, menerima perbedaan, menerima kekalahan. I guess one can never really move on if one has not yet accepted the fact that there are some things that are just way beyond us, so no matter what we do, no matter how often we pray to God, we can never have the capacity to change it. Mungkin akar dari melepaskan seseorang atau suatu harapan adalah keikhlasan dan menerima. Tanpanya, usaha kita hanya sebatas pelarian dan sejenak melupakan.

I have been giving this whole acceptance thing some serious thought and I guess I have come to a conclusion that once we can accept something, we might be able to also make peace at the same time. In my case, accepting the old wounds and letting them heal. Accepting a brand new chance granted upon me as blank pages waiting to be filled with colorful inks. Accepting that just like flowers, people may change and bloom, becoming an incredible individual. Accepting that just like a tiny caterpillar, people may go through a metamorphosis phase and be a lovely butterfly. Accepting that not every unpleasant memories of the past deserves to be in limbo; instead maybe we need to accept those hurtful moments and come out as a stronger person.

Mungkin Tuhan akan memberikan rasa ikhlas dan damai begitu kita bisa mempelajari arti menerima. The breathing part gets easier, your heart stops pounding, and your eyes may rest well at night. Tapi hadiah yang paling berharga adalah kemampuan untuk memulai hari-hari dengan menjadi pribadi yang baru, because at the end of the day, what matters most is how we continue our lives after a series of heartbreak, after a life changing moment, or after a loss of someone.

© Asiila Kamilia — Jogjakarta, Waisak 2019

There is a saying in Islam which says, “what is meant for you will reach you even if it is beneath two mountains, and what is not meant for you will never reach you, even if it is between your two lips.”

Ini lah makna perjalanan singkat saya ke Borobudur; untuk belajar menerima, untuk mulai menulis lembaran putih hidup saya dengan cerita yang baru, dan untuk mengucap syukur atas kesempatan yang baru. If someone asks me on how to live their lives, I would say with an unlimited patience and an endless effort for unconditional acceptance on life and everything it shall bring.

Saat akan menerbangkan lampion di Borobudur, saya dibekali dengan sebuah sticker yang dapat ditulis dengan doa dan harapan yang kemudian akan ditempelkan ke lampion. The lantern will then carry our hopes and prayers up high in the sky, mungkin sebagai upaya untuk membantu menyampaikan doa-doa tersebut kepada Tuhan… :) Tapi saya tidak menulis apa-apa di sticker tersebut. Saya hanya membisikkan sebuah doa di dalam hati beberapa detik sebelum lampion itu diterbangkan.

© Asiila Kamilia — Jogjakarta, Waisak 2019

Lalu lampion itu diterbangkan, bersama dengan doa saya.